As part of my ADHD, or maybe along with it, I have sensory issues. The world is a loud, loud place and it clangs around inside my head and sometimes makes me think I’m going to go crazy. I can usually keep it under control with only a small grimace and a headache, and no one is any the wiser. For the past week or so, it seems like all my senses are just on edge and there is too much stimulation in everything I do, see, touch, or hear. I feel like I’m going to explode right out of my own skin.
And then there is A- beautiful, wonderful, amazing A- whom I love with my whole heart and soul. A- does NOT have sensory issues. Well, let me rephrase that – the tags inside her shirts are apparently going to eat her skin off, and the seam in her socks can almost render her unable to cope with life – BUT nothing is too loud for her. Ever. One of the ways she handles her anxiety is with music. This is great. This is awesome. Except that this means she blares the music (either on the speakers or on her headphones) and sings at the top of her lungs in an effort to drown out the entire world, especially what’s in her own head. I do not begrudge her this, because it is an effective way for her to deal with her anxiety. She starts high school tomorrow and the anxiety is high. So the music is loud. Her singing is blasting through my bones. It’s not that I don’t love her voice, it’s great. But it is loud. Oh so loud. And It’s clanging around in my head like a gong. She knows I have sensory overload sometimes but oh, she forgets. And that’s okay. Just right now, absolute silence and a cup of tea would be heaven.
School tomorrow and our summer has come to a close. It was a good one. It was just a loud one. It’s taken its toll on me and I’m pretty cranky. I told A- I was glad she had a good summer and was glad she had friends to spend it with – but oh so much noise. I’m just not used to it. I’m used to it being just the two of us and I’m used to how mature she is. Her friend’s not quite so mature. And together they act more like a two year olds. BUT- she needed the fun. She needed the time to be a kid. She has never really been a kid. And now it’s almost too late. I’m normally really sad to see summer come to an end, but in the last week or two I’ve almost been looking forward to it. I’m looking forward to the routine of it all and to some quieter days.
We had a great one though. Got to spend a few days in Atlanta, which was lots of fun. Took A- to two concerts, Twenty One Pilots and Train. She had a blast at both. We had a lot of fun hanging out together. Those are memories I will treasure.
Now, I’m hoping to tame the evening noise and, if I’m lucky, turn in early tonight.
Tomorrow, I’m going to buy myself some ear plugs.