A- may have gotten October off to an interesting start, but I’ve done the same with November. Some health issues flared up and had me quite scared, but things are calming down a bit now. I’ve spent more time in doctor’s offices in the last two weeks than I have in the last ten years. I’m tired, I’m cranky, and I’m just ready for things to get back to normal.
I don’t know if it has anything to do with my ADHD or not, but I am a terrible patient. I have stuff to do. I can’t sit around. I can’t be off work. This does not work for me. A- appointed herself nurse in charge and I get scolded several times a day. When I got off the couch earlier today I thought she was going to find a way to physically restrain me. She comes at me with angry mother hen face yelling, “Just where do you think you’re going? You’re supposed to be resting! WHAT do you need, I will get it for you!” I couldn’t help but chuckle. I said, “I greatly appreciate the offer, but can you please tell me how you are going to go and pee for me?”
I feel bad for the kid, I really do. This has been a scary time for her. I’m all she’s got. Since my little scare, the poor kid hasn’t been able to concentrate on anything. Her grades plummeted at school and she failed tests she had last week. Luckily I think there was only two. She explained her plight to a couple of her teachers. Told them she cared so much about her grades, and she wanted to do well, but her mom had been sick and she was worried about her and just couldn’t think. Did they think she would be able to bring her grades up? One of the teachers had her come in early the following morning and helped her complete her math and explained the lessons to her again, one on one, because she knew she hadn’t heard a word she’s said in class the day before. Another teacher told her to study for the test that she failed, and she was going to let her re-take it, and at the very least she could average the two grades together. Now I think that goes above and beyond the call of duty. (again one of the things I love about a teeny tiny school).
I left work early today because I was light headed. A while after I got home I got up and went into the kitchen and was preparing vegetables for soup. A- came in and just came undone. She started to cry. She said she was scared that I wasn’t taking care of myself. I told her that honestly, I was going to be okay. I couldn’t stay on the couch forever. I had to do things like work, and cook dinner and do household chores. I told her that I was at least at home, so if I got dizzy or lightheaded or didn’t feel good, all I had to do was go sit down. I tried to explain to her that just because I had that scare, that I was doing everything the doctors told me to do and I was going to do everything I can to keep well. I told her that it would have to be good enough. I can’t predict the future, but I promised her that even though I was stubborn, and high strung, and can’t sit still for very long, that when it was something IMPORTANT that I would do whatever I had to do.
I know she thinks a lot about what would happen to her if something happened to me. I hate that. She’s always thought about that though. That has always been a huge anxiety trigger for her. Even when she was small, she would start to cry sometimes saying she imagined I was gone and she didn’t know what to do. I will say that this current situation definitely has me re-evaluating how I care for myself. I haven’t taken proper care of myself in years. That is definitely something that is changing now.
I had high hopes for participating in National Novel Writing Month. My word count is definitely suffering, but I’m not giving up hope on it. I have the rest of November to make up time and reach my goal.
Let’s hope the rest of the month goes smoothly.