Chaotic Ramblings of a Chaotic Mind

AD(H)D is a curse. It is a blessing. It is a mixed bag of never knowing what you’re going to get. I loathe it. I love it. Some days are definitely easier than others. I’ve been struggling with something lately that I cannot even name. I do not even KNOW what my opponent is at the moment, I just know that something is…off. Something is off kilter and I can’t even figure out what it is so that I can try to put it to rights. I said before that I’ve learned a lot in the last year about myself and my daughter and our ADD and Anxiety…but there is always more to learn. I’m trying to see the humor of it all instead of wallowing in the seemingly hopelessness of the chaos. There have definitely been a few moments this week that have ADHD written all over them. Some we’ve dealt with through humor, and others, well, tears, but that’s okay.

Today started out as one of those days. I had A LOT on my mind. I was supposed to go and pick up my sister for work. I know how forgetful I can be, so I set an alarm on my ipod giving it my sister’s name. No problem now. I can’t possibly forget. So — I’m actually ready to walk out the door when the alarm goes off. Yay me! When I grab my keys I see a stack of books that my daughter forgot to take to school today. She had band practice after school, and then she had to go to her dad’s so she wasn’t coming back to the house this afternoon. So, I pick up the stack of books, along with her band things, her clothes to take to her dad’s, and I’m out the door. I dump it all in the car and I’m on my way. I am ALMOST at work when I remember something very important. My sister. I forgot her. Crap. This is the SECOND time I was supposed to pick her up and forgot her. Last time I at least didn’t get so far before I remembered. I pull over on the side of the road, dig my phone out of my purse and call her. On my way. Now we are both going to be late for work. I kick myself for being such an idiot. She owns the place and she’s going to be late because of me. Nice going. When I get to her house, she slides in the car, and I don’t want her to see that I’m about in tears. Tears because I am so sick of doing such dumb things. I am sick of not being dependable because I forget everything once some new piece of information comes into my brain. (Like this morning..I knew what I was doing until I was sidetracked by my daughter’s forgotten books) Then my sister grins at me and says, “Did you see something sparkly?” I crack up. “Yes I did,” I told her. “Something so sparkly that I forgot all about you. You’re lucky I came back for you.” And life goes on…

A has had a week of extreme ups and downs. Tears one minutes, giddy the next. Socially things are going better for her…academically they are worse. She’s doing OKAY..but her teacher said she thought she had stopped taking medicine because she is sooo unfocused and chaotic. I can tell a huge difference at home too. Although I usually see her when the meds are worn off after school, the last couple months have been chaos to a whole new level, even for her. She is hyper, and is like a tornado of destruction all through the house. Clothes all over the bathroom, milk poured into a glass, then the glass of milk AND the container are forgotten on the counter, not picking up anything after she uses it, clothes all over her bed because she hasn’t bothered to put them away, she emptied an entire container of beading supplies on the living room floor and it all lay there for a solid week before I threatened her with life and limb if she didn’t pick it all up – and that was after I tripped over a container of beads spilling what looked like thousands of glass seed beads all over the floor. She has been reading the same library book all quarter at school and is still not finished with it. She loves to read, and she loves the book, so it’s proof to me that her concentration is waay off. The impulsive behavior is high –  Little things, but all impulsive things…things that do not get thought through before she does them. Gift bags on the table? She cut the handles off of them. She decided to make me some tea, she used six different flavor teabags from a nice box that my friend sent me from Peru..then dumped what must have been half a bottle of cinnamon in it, so it was all wasted. She is hypersensitive, argumentative and it takes me telling her to do something a million times before she grudgingly does it, (AFTER accusing me of nagging).  Her crowning ADHD moment last week? She’d spent the night with her father and he brought her to school the next day. She put her clothes from the day before in a plastic grocery bag instead of in her book bag. So..walking to the car line, she somehow tips the bag and something fell out. She was walking along with the other kids, and at first doesn’t even realize that anything came out of the bag, til she notices that there is a bra hooked to one of the boy’s shoes. Yep. She lost it, and it fell to the ground in perfect step with the boy beside her and he put his shoe through the stap and now there it was, in all its glory. She said she turned to him, said something like “Hi!”, then kicked him. When he picked up the kicked leg, she snatched the bra off his shoe and ran. Of course they were in car line, so she couldn’t run far. Stuffing the offending bra into the bag, she realized it wasn’t even HER bra, she had grabbed her stepmother’s instead, so the bra is a rather large, padded number, something that obviously does not belong to a 12 yo. Now it is obvious by all the snickers and giggles that everyone else saw it too. She said she wanted to cry, then the boy, who at any other time would probably have made a dirty joke and just made things worse, came over to her and grinned and said, in that voice of the coach in The Replacements, “Wiry!” She was grateful that no one made a big deal out of it, and I must say I’m a little surprised no one did. Even the next day at school there were no jokes from the boys. Pretty amazing.

So I guess it’s just been the usual kind of week around here. Not much got accomplished, I watched some movies with my kid, she got back to the counselor this week after not going for a few months, and day by day, minute by minute we will figure things out.

And none of this was what I set out to originally talk about. Yeah, something sparkly caught my eye. Oh well, I guess I’ll have to write another post about the stuff I originally wanted to talk about…

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